I swear I could hear it laughing.

My car is not only sentient but also has the sense of humour of a small child.

I’m sure I even believe what happened to me this morning.

I went to the car this morning to get to work and it was all frosty, so I unlocked it and chucked all my stuff inside, including my keys, grabbed the de-icer and set to work on the windscreen. Once I was happy with the windows I went back to the driver side door and pulled the handle.

Somehow, the door locked. Let me repeat that. As I tried to open the door the car LOCKED ITSELF with my keys inside. I don’t have a spare.

I could almost hear the car sniggering at me. Must have thought it was really funny. I was locked out of my house and my car at below freezing temperatures.

My husband took his sweet time to let me back in the house.

After a few failed attempts to jimmy open the boot I called my breakdown assistance. A really nice guy came out and opened the car for me in a way I’d never even thought possible.

I thanked him profusely and tried to start the car. True to form the car, it’s fun now ruined, decided to sulk and after complaining it was too cold then announced the battery was flat. Thankfully the breakdown man hadn’t left yet so he gave me a jump start.

My car hates me.